remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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