I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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