what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
