how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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