i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
