There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
