On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I am available for nakedness
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
