Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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