I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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