I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
