Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
