I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
