party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
