Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
