I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
