His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
