You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
