no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
