roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
