I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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