i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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