is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
