I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
