I'm gonna have a badass scar
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
