She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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