The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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