You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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