I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So. Much. Porn.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
