New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
