You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
