My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
