my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
