remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
