he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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