Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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