I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
