you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
