yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
