I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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