New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
