Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
