They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
