Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
