it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
