Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
