Me. At least after what I've been through.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
