I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
