It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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