I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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