Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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