Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
