Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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