That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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